Brian's been in Haiti for a while and he came home today. I cannot put into words how nice it is to have him here for a few days. There is so much to do and so very little time to do it, but I'm trying to shut that out for just a bit so we can just focus on being a family, even if it's just for a few days.
The kids have struggled with Brian being gone much more this time. I'm struggling with how to teach them to trust that God has us where He wants us. It's tough and I do a really stinky job at it.
Riley still seems to be okay, but I know he tries to be tough. He seems to know when his little sisters are close to the edge and that if he loses it, they lose it. I don't like that he feels the need to hold it together for his sisters. Responsibility will come, I just want him to be able to be little for a while longer.
While Emmie seems to deal with Brian being gone well most of the time, she has reached her limit. a few nights ago we were discussing two birthday parties she had been invited to and I reminded her that Brian would be leaving early Saturday morning before she woke up (in hopes that she would see the Friday party was a better choice than the mid-week party). Her eyes welled up and she said she didn't want to go to any birthday parties, she just wanted to stay with Daddy. After lots of conversation and hugs and kisses, she and I finally made a decision together that she would go to her friend, Maddie's party since Daddy would be leaving before she woke up on Saturday anyway. I have no idea how to manage all these little feelings. I hate the hurt she feels and I hate that there's no easy fix. So hard.
And little Molly has really just struggled from the get-go this time. She just has a strong need for all of us to be together in the same place as often as possible. Molly is a home-body. She is most comfortable at home with her doggie and her peeps (in that order). Take her out of that for more than a few days and the melt down starts. It's very difficult to keep her in a good place so she can find her "happy" and do well in school. She doesn't get this Haiti stuff, she's never been where we we've been. She doesn't understand getting a new sister, she's never played with her and never hugged her. It's hard to expect her to understand these things when even we have a hard time getting it. I pray for peace for my little girl and for words that will build her up, not tear her down.
We walk with one foot in one world and the other foot in another world and it's so hard. I know that God has our family where he wants us, and that we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing. Making sure our family, our first ministry, is safe is hard. Exposing ourselves to the hits that come with walking in ministry is something Brian and I can handle, maybe not well, but we do handle it. Exposing our children to those hits... not good at that. Can't seem to find the balance between letting them understand that things aren't always easy and this stuff is just too much. Praying for God to pour out wisdom. Until then I'm just gonna crawl into Psalm 91 and rest...
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you...