Tuesday, February 15, 2011

My Faith Is Not My Own...

It's been a few days since I've been here and it's been quite hectic around our house.  Brian came home and the kids are off the wall excited that he will be home for at least another good week.  We are close to having the house finished and we will be ready to bring Merline home.  Just hoping things will get moving so we can get her home.  I miss her so much.  

This has definitely been a walk of faith to where we are in the adoption of our daughter, and to be honest, it's not done.  Here's a recap...  We no longer have a retirement nest-egg that we had from Brian's stint in the "corporate" world.  We now pray that one of our kids will do well financially and have mercy on us when we're old. : )  We have put our trust in people far away from us (who don't love our little girl like we do) to follow our paperwork and make sure it gets through the appropriate channels in a government that can't even hold an election without massive chaos and widespread fraud.  We have added onto our house to make room for her to be here because according to the U.S. government, our house was just not big enough for another person, even though no one would have had a problem if I popped one out the "normal" way.  Here's the kicker - even after all of that - we could still be told no.  Nothing is written in stone.  Nothing is final until we go and get her and she plants her feet on U.S. soil.  

It's okay, and here's why...  Because God started this process, we didn't.  He started it many years ago when He planted the seed of adoption in Brian's heart.  Regardless of whether or not Merline ever gets to lay her head down to sleep on a soft pillow in her new purple room, she's still my little girl and I will be a part of her life for as long as God allows.  Of course this would be very ugly and I know that only God would be able to get me through.  

All of this is tough.  Leaving my child after spending a week with her in Haiti is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  It is no different for me than leaving Riley, Emersen, or Molly there while I come back here and do life.  It's harder than I ever could have imagined.  I am so grateful that the faith Brian and I walk in is not our own.  If faith were something I had to conjure up every day, I would be a mess and would have jumped off this crazy train long ago.  Instead God gives it to me every day.  I know that He has started us on this path and regardless of the outcome he will be made more and we will be made less.  And in the end I pray my little girl will get to come home...
"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."   Romans12:3 

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